I guess my Dad's death threw me harder than I suspected. Sorry I've kind of disappeared from LJ. It is most assuredly not intentional... nor is it permanent. 2010 is going to be a big writing year for me, as it is my goal to finish writing my history book this year. But I promise to return to LJ soon with more ramblings on the queer bear life.

LiveJournal is unlike any other site I've ever known. It's a strange, beautiful mixture of social networking and journaling and some really good, close friends have grown from my association with this site. I wish I could quit you... but I can't.

So here's to wishing for a much better year in 2010... for healthy visions of our bodies and our sexuality and those we love... for bonds of friendship and family that endure and flourish... for honey in the heart and the love of bees.

Happy Yule, Winter Solstice, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwaanza, Al-Hijira, whatever else I've missed... and Merry, Peaceful New Year!

Directed, narrated, edited, realized, imagined and produced by legendary Porn artist Black Black Blanc

Tags: black black blanc kendall fook machine
Current Music: Fook Machine

Around the time I worked for GameFly, I quit wanting to work for the man. It was the combination of two snotty female bosses (PS BTW who have since quit and been fired from the company), and the biological clock ticking within me to get my shit together with my comedy and career.

I've never been able to recover from it.

I quit that 40 hour a week job with the odds against me. I didn't have any money in the bank, but I know that if I put the pedal to the metal, I would get somewhere. Mind you, in the large perspective of all things great and good, I have done a real bang up job. A DVD & CD release, a trip to Berlin to perform, a Japanese game show, other select movie and tv appearances, and a whole string of comedy dates to show for it. Lots of ups, lots of downs.

Now I'm in a position where I need to work. There's no more waiting or hoping. I am in the hole financially, albeit to my parents, but I gotta pay them back. Thank god for my parents, who played government bailout with me this year. In the time I was on the game show, and right after it was all said and done, I didn't have much work, nor any solid income coming in. It put Paul and I in a financial headlock, and neither of us played it smart or cool. So, with that in mind, I am now heading back to the workforce to get back on my feet again financially.

Hard Rock Cafe is all wonderful and good, except for one big problem. They overshot what they would bring in at the new location, and over-hired. Because of this, they have cut back hours to about 15-20 hours a week. That is not acceptable (at least to me, and four other people who have already quit because of it). Now mind you, I haven't jumped ship yet because the job itself is a piece of cake. The reality is, I can not survive on 15 hours a week. I need a 40-hour a week day job, and I need it quick.

Here's the next speed bump to that equation. I feel like at times I am underqualified for some positions I see online, and other times, I am way overqualified. Case in point, I applied online for Triple-A, in a customer service position. Now mind you, they seem a little stiff and rigid. "You may be seated at your desk position for a very long time with no chance to move around or get up...is that okay with you?" is seriously one of the questions they ask in the online interview questions, but I'm willing to take that risk in trade off for reward. Reward being cash money, bitches! Then we get to those weird existential questions. "Out of the two options below, which job would you prefer?" Answers are "I look forward to handing out assignments to other employees and monitoring their performance." and "I enjoying sitting at a computer for 8-10 hours a day". Now, I'm a managerial type. I like to lead and lead by example, I like to teach and I like to motivate others, so yeah, I look forward to supervisory roles and leadership. Throughout the existential questions, I leaned in that direction. When all was said and done, I got a "Sorry, you are not what we are looking for...good luck in the future" message. WTF.

So, you want someone to be a sheep who has no ambitions to lead others? I'm sorry Triple-A, I had no idea it took personality, drive and leadership ability to get in the door, but apparently, the minute you step inside, you want drones who have nothing else going for them.

Which brings me to my point about the 40-hour a week workforce and my relationship with it. Is it any wonder why I don't really want to be part of the 9-5 grind that saps my soul and makes me want to stab my eyes and ears out with a letter opener? Is it any wonder why bosses, higher ups, people in charge and corporations get what they pay for when they hire people so that they can basically use them up and spit them out? Even Hard Rock Cafe, which beats it's own proverbial chest about being so 'Rock'n'Roll', isn't rock'n'roll at all. It's a giant corporation. You can have a blue mohawk as an employee all you want at that store, but if push comes to shove, they will shove you to a breaking point of quitting because they can't offer you any hours to LIVE on.

So when it comes to the subject of myself and my problem with the "day job" mentality, yeah..anyone who reads this and is a working stiff in that world may be saying..."SUCK IT UP" and "Shut up and get a job you hippie!", but the truth is...I've been there, and I've done that. SBC, Musicland, Best Buy, GameFly..the list goes on. I've seen some of the worst managers and bosses known to man. So yeah, I want to suck it up, and get a job cuz I'm a dirty hippie....but there are days and weeks like this where I rack my brain re-evaluating my own purpose.

My dream and hope for the next couple of weeks, and for 2010 is that I work my magic somehow, and land a gig working for someone who gets me. They understand my ambitions, they cultivate my financial growth, and they see that I'm the hardest working stiff they could ever found. I feel like my confidence and my natural curiosity to learn and grow are assets that workforces rarely see these days. The places I've been are filled with kids who are more concerned about texting while they work an have -zero- ambition with a side order of no goals and dreams, and for some reason, those are the idiots who seems to thrive in today's working world. Guys like me who have a voice, an opinion, a drive and more common sense that I know what to do with are seen as a threat and as "wild child"s, and don't last.

I don't want any gifts for Christmas this year. What I want is for someone else to truly believe in my abilities and start paying me for them. I gotz the skillz to pay the billz, but I feel trapped in a world when no one wants those skillz and I can't pay my billz.

I think I might go back to background acting, to cover for the lack of work I'm getting at the HRC.

Tags: authority, bills, skills, work
Current Mood: sleepy

Tags: bad romance
Current Music: Bad Romance Kendall Freddy Freeman

I know, lately I've been in complaint mode, but man...I gotta get some things off my chest.

Let's talk Facebook for two seconds. Now, I will not defend Facebook to anyone, nor will I trash it. I use it, I like it, it has benefits that I like.

However, the whole "Gotta Catch 'Em All" mentality amongst people -koff-bears-koff- is kinda ridiculous. In the last month or so, I've been getting a ton of random bears trying to add me on as a FB friend. I don't recognize more than half of them. I try to do my research, looking to see if they are FAN of something I was part of, or they know me through someone close...then I can put two and two together and say "Oh, well they must have just met so-and-so at a bear run and that's how they know who I am" or something of that nature. I also look to see what kind of Facebook user they are. If I look at their wall (if it's available) and all I see is Mafia Wars and Farmville, and no status updates...*bzzzt* not for me. One more instant IGNORE? If your name is "Bear Johnson" or "Mike Cubbbb" or "Cubby McWoofyBear". WTF. Use your name!

If I can't piece the clues together, then comes the message. I send a message of trying to figure out how they know me:

Thanks for the Facebook friend request...however, I'm terrible with names and faces, and I can't for the life of me remember how I know you. Remind me how I know you or where we've met before I add you on as a Facebook friend.

Thanks!

Now, sometimes, I don't get a response. -click- IGNORE

Sometimes, I get a response, but even then, I question it. Like this one:

Hey there, Bob. I have seen you on the friends list of a few friends and I thought I would say hello and start a new friendship with you. I appreciate your message.

Okay, lets think about that for a second. "I thought I would say hello..." Um, no dude. You didn't say hello. I forced you to say hello back when I asked who you are. "Start a new friendship with you..." Um, you already have 500+ friends, and I had to be the one to initialize a conversation (of sorts) between us. Not a good start. Additionally, it doesn't help when the dude's name is fake, and then he tries to explain it in his FB info. So, I could just confuse the hell out of him and hit ignore, or write him back. If I write him back though, I have a feeling he will get butthurt.

I don't have a high security issue, but I have had actual friends and acquaintances send phishing emails and post phishing stuff to my wall without their knowledge, so I'm careful about that type of stuff. My issue is the "collect all the bears" thing, which doesn't really appeal to me. 99 out 100 times, I never hear from you again after I add you, because you don't really want to "be my friend", you just want to have a big number of them on FB. I should know, I have just over 1000 friends, and cuts are being made soon. I can't justify that I know everyone on my list. A lot of people added me after the game show, and I haven't heard one peep from them.

Get off my lawn! ;)

PS, my brother is on Facebook, and he ain't getting added anytime soon....

Tags: facebook
Current Location: home
Current Mood: irritated

Tags: youtube
Current Mood: high

Thanks to pat_pending for pointing this out and posting this on FaceBook:

Tags: youtube
Current Location: home
Current Mood: awake